Princesses and Strippers

The expectant parents returned from their gratifying babymoon just in time for Nemo, the blizzard.  Parts of Long Island had record snowfall that began on Friday and ended sometime Saturday morning.  It was the kind of snowstorm that stranded drivers on the L.I.E.  Mark finally got a chance to use the snowblower he bought two years ago.  Even with the snowblower, it took him hours to clear away the mounds that were piled 18 inches in some places.  

My cloth snowman decoration on my front door is now covered in real snow.  The branches of the cypress trees in my backyard are bowing from the heavy white blankets, although "blankets of snow" is such a deceptive metaphor.  It certainly looks like a picture postcard but the inconvenience of it voids its alluring charm.  My street wasn’t plowed until the afternoon, so we were literally held captive.  This is exactly why the only thing I like about February is that it’s the shortest month.  Nineteen more days left of it.  And one hundred nineteen days until my granddaughter’s due date. 

Lindsay is now 23 weeks along. The baby is the size of an ear of corn, which is supposed to be bigger than a spaghetti squash (last week's produce parity), although, I haven’t seen an ear of corn that is bigger than a spaghetti squash.  I don’t know where they come up with these comparisons.  All I know is that my daughter’s belly is about the size of a watermelon.  And sometimes she does have that cute little pregnant girl “duck” waddle when she walks.  (She will probably kill me for saying that.  But she does; it’s adorable.) I think it's when her back hurts her- she might have sciatica, like I did.  

With just a little over four months to go, plans are being made for the arrival of our little princess.  And she is our little princess, in more ways than one, because my life and Lindsay’s have a cosmic parallel to royalty. I will explain.

Cosmic Parallel #1:

The day before I was born, my mother watched the televised event of Grace Kelly’s wedding to Prince Rainier.  True, Princess Grace was married on April 18^th, but because of the snail’s pace of technology back in the days of my birth, it took three days for it to be broadcast in America. And my mother watched that broadcast all day on a Saturday before she gave birth to me on Sunday, April 22, 1956. 

Cosmic Parallel #2:         

The day before I gave birth to Lindsay, I watched the televised, though unfortunate, event of Princess Grace Kelly­ Rainier’s funeral.  It was September 18^th, 1982, also a Saturday.  I was at my friends, Meryl and Steve’s house after a very filling Rosh Hashana dinner at my in-laws (brisket and potatoes).  Princess Grace had died from complications from an auto accident.  Everyone was devastated.  Her funeral was telecast the whole day. And the day after, on September 19^th, 1982, Lindsay was born, two weeks early.

Besides for those two eerie and strange concurrences, Lindsay was also born the same year as Prince William. I know it’s a different royal family and country, but still…  Furthermore, isn’t it ironic that Prince William and his wife, Kate, the duchess, are due to have a baby in July 2013, a month after Lindsay and Scott?  But even more coincidently, the Prince and Duchess just took their babymoon- the same week as Lindsay and Scott did.  It was in the newspaper.  Apparently, British expectant couples take babymoons too. 

Before Lindsay and Scott left for their trip, we made the baby shower arrangements.  We set the date, booked the restaurant, ordered the cake with very specific decorations, which took over an hour, and we designed invitations that match the cake and the theme that I am not at liberty to divulge. At least I’m in on this secret.  I still have no clue what the baby’s name will be yet. 

I had reservations about making a baby shower.  My mother and mother-in-law did not make me a baby shower when I was pregnant with Lindsay because they were superstitious; however, I did have one.  The girls at work made it for me.  It was in the office.  We had deli and a sheet cake and there was a stripper. Yes.  I had a stripper at my baby shower– a female stripper.  You can’t make this stuff up.

It turned out that at around the time I was going on maternity leave to have Lindsay, my boss, Harvey, was turning 30.  So, the people at work decided it would be cool to make a double celebration- a baby shower for me, Harvey’s assistant, and a 30^th birthday party for Harvey, hence the stripper.  He got his own sheet cake; we shared the deli.  Of course, the baby shower was a surprise, but the bigger surprise was watching my boss get a lap dance from a naked girl while I was 8 and ½ months pregnant.  I had about 10 minutes of attention at my baby shower.  I went home feeling ambivalent about the whole party; but at least I got a baby swing, a playpen and a high chair. 

Lindsay’s baby shower will be very different from mine.  First of all, there will be no deli and sheet cake is simply out of the question.  Lindsay must have a cake with fondant on it. Fondant is a thick paste made of sugar and water that is flavored and colored and is used to decorate the cake.  I honestly never heard of fondant until the wedding.  Her bridal shower cake had fondant, as did her wedding cake and naturally, the gender reveal cake.  So of course, her baby shower cake must have fondant too.  That’s why it takes over an hour to order it at the bakery.   

I have gotten over my hesitation about making a baby shower.  I actually am enjoying planning it because it’s making the winter go by quicker and I realize there are never enough special occasions to celebrate.  I am giving my daughter a lovely, memorable shower with decorations and favors and a cake iced in fondant, because after all, she’s my princess. 

And at this baby shower, there will definitely be no stripper.