Thankful…

It is 6:53 on this Sunday morning of Thanksgiving weekend 2015.  I am awake since 4:51am… thanks to my bladder, a 21-pound dog that somehow manages to take up a king size bed, and my incessant thoughts.  The whirring noise of the dishwasher is a constant reminder that I forgot to put the dishes up last night as I sit in my kitchen between the break of dawn and sunrise.  I drink my green tea in a Norwegian Cruise Line thermal cup because all the mugs are in the dishwasher. 

I’m not the only one who’s been up this early; I know that my cousin Andrea in Connecticut is awake too because she “liked” something I posted on Facebook less than an hour ago.  It’s funny how the world has gotten so small because of technology.  We can think the same things and respond to one another without uttering a sound, just with the touch of a 6-inch screen. 

My mother comes into the kitchen.  My alone time is ended. I will be interrupted countless times as she starts her day.  She asks if I’m angry with her.  She always asks that when I’m preoccupied.  I don’t answer.  She comes over to show me her hands- how much softer they are, because I massaged Aquaphor into them last night before she went to bed.  Then she says, “Thank you for taking such good care of me.”  There is such sadness in her voice and her expression when she says it; it brings tears to my eyes. 

Thankful…that has been the theme for the last several days, interspersed with black Friday, day after black Friday, midnight madness and cyber Monday sales. We pause, between shopping, cooking, overeating, taking down old holiday decorations, putting up new holiday decorations, and appreciate the things in our lives that make us human.  In between feeling and acting as if we need more and more, we realize the abundance we already have…or do we really?

The day is brightening now; the dog comes to greet me with his stump of a tale wagging and his earnest eyes.  Now he’s curled up on the window seat, comfy and content, even though he’s sitting on cushions and pillows that desperately need to be replaced.  It doesn’t faze him in the least because his tummy is full and he has his people around whom he loves and love him back.  He knows the true meaning of thankfulness.  

It has been an eventful year with much to be thankful for.  I have been feeling guilty because I never formally wrote a blog entry to welcome the birth of my grandson, Ryder Dylan.  He arrived on March 21^st a day after spring and a spring snowfall.  Ryder is eight months old now, crawling and pulling himself up and trying to take his first steps.  He is the epitome of how time flies, no zooms, by.  But more than that, he has brought so much joy into our lives…his smile can brighten a room, reminding me of my brother-in-law, Scott, who is gone almost 4 years now. 

This past year my life has been spent juggling my time between taking care of my mom; working full time and helping my daughter take care of my two grandchildren, when I can. In between I fell halfway down a flight of steps onto my head (the day before Ryder was born), found out I had pancreatitis instead of a concussion and then had gall bladder surgery at the beginning of the summer.  Consequently there has been little time to write blog entries.  I have come to abhor the term, “sandwich generation” because it diminishes my situation by comparing it to a lunch meal.   

Everybody is awake now.  My older daughter called me at 8am and my younger daughter (who is normally asleep at this time) is puttering around the kitchen. And this just confirms the challenge I have in writing a blog entry, because even though I can block out the sounds of the microwave, the opening and closing of the refrigerator, the ruffling of cereal boxes and clinging of utensils to dishes, I have to respond to the complaints of the day or several questions. 

However, I shall not complain.  (That is what I wrote on my kitchen chalkboard a few days ago…Thou shall not complain.)  Instead I will pause and consider my abundance:

My husband who makes the bed (except not today), does the dishes and the laundry along with fixing almost everything that breaks,

My two daughters who make me proud-

One who has proven to be an excellent pre-school teacher as well as fabulous mother, and

One who has completed her first NYC marathon this year, besides for having a terrific career.

My son-in-law who is a fabulous father and who works so hard for my daughter and grandchildren

My two grandchildren whom I can never get enough of, especially when I tell my granddaughter I love her and she answers, “I love you more.”

My dog (How could you not be thankful for your dog?)

The rest of my family

My friends

My home (even though it is falling apart and depleting my bank account)

My sweet 92-year old mother…who is thankful for me

And, even though sometimes I do feel like the luncheon meat squeezed into the proverbial generation of sandwiches, those two pieces of bread- are what holds me together more than squeezing me in.... and they're what I’m most thankful for.